you might not have ever known how much i care about you. you may think this is all fake. a deception. lies. but still, to me its really important. i never knew i could cause you so much pain. i never wanted to. and i dont ever want to. they told me to choose him. but was it really who i would pick? sometimes i really dont know. you'd do so much for me, but he'd just stay in a corner and be with his friends. they dont know you. i shouldnt be posting this... it'll probably just make things worse... but... how bad can things get from the current situation?

everything from the start// was all my fault. everything. and anything. i dont know what to do to make you feel better now, or what to do to make me feel better. i couldve decided long ago. made a choice. and i couldve told you what you needed to know. i'll never detest you. i just wish time could reverse and that i never made you hope.

i only have myself to blame now. i would rather push everything to me. than accuse anyone else. my cheerful self has fallen. who will save me? he probably wont even know. they wont know. but you... you cant know. even if i pretend, you'll still know it. we're too alike. you'd do anything for me. i know that. but i cant do much in return for you. and that makes me hate myself even more. fighting a war against myself isnt fun. but its all i can do now. tears fall from my face.