okay totally have nothing to do. rigged Pet Society (til now i cant access facebook zz) seen every item on f21, browsed every spree possible, read every blog i know about. ugh.

japanese test today, think i absolutely fucked myself (again) and seems like time passed so friggin' fast this sem. its like the term just started yet we're almost at the end already. too quick, too quick. everyday's just another mess of switching off my phone alarm, urging myself to wake for the next 20mins, small asking me if i want breakfast, going to school, coming home, using the computer, dota every other day and then sleep when im all exhausted, only to wake up to yet another day. i always tell myself to work hard.. but it never seems to really get to me. everytime i try to picture myself mugging and shizz it never turns to reality everything just seems so difficult ugh i know i can do this but ive just become such a lazy fuck and im so fucking addicted to the computer and my brain shuts down at the sightthought of studying.

there's so much to think about. this and that, and everything else. im always so worried about everything and yet i do nothing to help myself. im so tired now..

i dont know if this is right, if we were right. i'm afraid and you always comfort me but thats not enough because i cant trust the comfort anymore there's no more truth in knowing that you love me now because its only for now and its not enough.. but still i'm glad that i chose and i want to believe that i chose right because you're everything i ever dreamed of, still, for now.

and memories can only haunt me cause they were either too beautiful or too scarred. flawed as i am i must pick myself up and stop thinking like this.